'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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