maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize