like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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