When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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