"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize