Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
