is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
