I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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