Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
