Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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