she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
