No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
