I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
