someone get that fucking seahorse.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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