I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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