so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
