I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
