I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
