I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
