Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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