fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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