I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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