Just fell off a train. Bad.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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