I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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