Can i not drive my cunt home
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
