1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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