I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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