im about as happy as oj after his trial
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
