I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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