I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
