I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They took my balls.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
