my phone needs a breathalizer
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize