i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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