I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
