dude i'm inner monologue high
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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