There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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