Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I forget how to act sober
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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