So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
