Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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