He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize