I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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