just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
