I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
