Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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