This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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