WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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