You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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