Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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