I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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