I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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