I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
