you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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