I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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