so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize