i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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