So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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