your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
