Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
