so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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