Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
