this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
