i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
