i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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