I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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