she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
