Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
