This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
