She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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