Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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