I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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