Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
