Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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