o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
