I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
