Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The beer is more important than you right now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
