i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
