The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
