i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
