Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
